Das Beste aus der Spamflut

Dieses Spammail sieht zwar schön und gut aus, aber leider habe ich noch niemanden gefunden, welcher es mir in eine mir verständliche Sprache übersetzt:

Spam mit Witz

Diese Witze fand ich per Zufall am Ende eines Spammails:

No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice."Find a girl just like your mother -- then, she's bound to like her."So the young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl. He told his friendly adviser:"Just like you said, I found a girl who looked, talked, dressed, and even cooked like mother, And just as you said, mother liked her"."So," asked the friend, "what happened?""Nothing," said the young man. " My father hates her!".

A young man was walking through a super market to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him. "Pardon me," she said. "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who died recently. "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you? "Yes," she said, "as I'm leaving, would you say 'Goodbye, mother?' It would make me feel so much better. "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" Then, as he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.00. "How can that be?" he asked. "I only purchased a few things! "The clerk replied, "Your mother said you'd pay for her."

In some Government offices the clerks, upon arrival in the morning, have to sign their names in an "attendance book". This book provides space for signature, time of arrival, and "remarks." Ten minutes after the hour and official draws a red line under the last arrival's name, and all those coming subsequently are expected to furnish an explanation of their tardiness in the "remarks" column.When a real "London particular" occurs the number "below the line" is legion; the first of them writes: "Delayed by fog," and the rest scribble a "ditto".One morning -- a foggy one -- Mr. Jones became a proud father; but even this only caused him to be about eleven minutes late. Proudly he wrote in explanation: "Wife had twins," which was followed in due course by the usual string of "ditto's".

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly found himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." A ray of light fell from the sky and a voice boomed out, "No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picked up the stone and proceeded to bash the life out of the chief. He stood above the lifeless body, breathing heavily, surrounded by 100 natives with looks of shock on their faces. The voice boomed out again, "Okay, now you're screwed."

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